I don’t even know where to begin in explaining why my mom is the best.  But what stands out to me is something I’ve really come to realize and appreciate in my adult life – my mom is the most selfless person I know.  She’s done and still does so many things for so many people without EVER expecting anything in return — whether it was in her job as a teacher, or as a volunteer working in the schools and maintaining the town gardens, or cooking COUNTLESS meals and desserts for people’s birthdays or when someone was sick, or putting our family’s needs before hers time and time again.  And my mom has done even more things that no one will probably ever know about, because it’s never been my mom’s way to be showy or to flaunt her benevolence.

One of the ways in which my mom is most selfless is in regards to her family.  Something I’ve always kept in my heart about the extent of my mom’s love goes back to when I was about to start my freshman year of college.  The summer before I left, I had an overnight orientation at college.  Well while we were there, my mom had a heart attack.  I didn’t know until weeks later when a family member inadvertently told me (not knowing that I didn’t know).  My mom didn’t tell me because she didn’t want to “damper” this major event in my life.  And that right there is one of the best examples I can give of the strength of character of my mom, and the extent to which she is willing to sacrifice for her family.  It’s all of the little things too… my brothers and I had the best birthday parties growing up by far.  She made games and accommodated whatever “theme” we wanted.  When my brother Tony was a teenager, she never refused letting his friends come over and “jam” at our house (often much to my chagrin, haha) and fed them on top of that!  (that’s a huge price tag as we all know the appetites of teenage boys!).  And over the years, I think we’ve had just about all of our male cousins live with us at some point.  My mom always organizes reunions for my dad’s family.  This isn’t something she has to do.  It requires a lot of work — but she does it because she knows how important it is to the family.

The biggest way in which my mom has been selfless has been in how she’s always encouraged my brothers and I to dream big and go after whatever we want — even though it’s meant that it’s taken us far away from her at times.  I think my mom understands that you should never let your own emotions stand in the way of another person’s destiny.  Not all parents can do that.

I have so many good memories of times that my mom and I have spent together.  Unlike my mom, I am a little selfish and I’m glad that I’ve never had a sister to have to share her with.  :-)  I SO MUCH appreciate that my mom has been letting me whine to her for 28 years!!!!  No one else would ever put up with my whining.  (Funny note – the first time my friend Tedi came home with me for a visit, she heard me whine to my mom and said “WOW, I’ve never heard you whine before!”  Yep, luckily for mom I save it ALL up just for her.  I know she loves it deep down……….. well, maybe not!).  And as an adult, she’s become someone I feel like I can have open and honest conversations with… and still whine too.  I very much enjoy making my mom watch movies that I find to be immature and that feed my teenage boy-like humor (oh how I loved making her watch “Borat” and “The Hangover”).  My two favorite memories of time my mom and I have spent together were on two different trips.  The first is a trip we took to Disney World, just the two of us.  The Aerosmith ride was new at MGM, and we had no idea what it was until we got into the ride.  Well, for those of you who don’t know, it’s a rollercoaster… and my mom does not do rollercoasters.  Ever.  I wasn’t about to let her turn around because I on the other hand LOVE them (this was after she’d had the heart attack too… Leah’s selfishness rears its ugly head again).  My mom, good sport that she is, made it through the ride just fine… but I’m pretty sure she was yelling the whole way.  My other favorite memory is on our cross-country road trip when I moved out here to CA.  I frankly am still shocked to this day that my father trusted the two of us to drive across country by ourselves!  We had a fight at least every day we were on the road as I recall (it got especially bad when my laptop fell out of the car………..moving along…).  But it was honestly the trip of a lifetime and I wouldn’t have wanted to do it with anyone but her.  The day she left though was probably my worst day in LA.  Truth be told… a lot of the time when I say I’m feeling homesick, it’s not really home I miss so much, it’s my mom – and the old man, can’t leave him out.  :-)

People have asked me as an adult where my confidence comes from.  People have asked me where my ability to accept and be open-minded comes from when I grew up in a pretty un-diverse place.  I attribute that to my mom.  Even though my mom came from pretty humble roots in a rural setting in northern Maine, she’s always treated everyone equally, and stressed how important it was for my brothers and I to do the same.  My mom has always stood up for what was right even when it wasn’t the easy or popular thing to do.

When I think of the term “unsung hero”, my mom is immediately who pops into my mind.  So many of you know my mom, and I bet if you know her, then in some way she’s done something for you.  My mom doesn’t want for or ask for a lot, but she deserves to be honored and to know the impact she’s had on others.

Happy Birthday to THE best mom, at least in my world.  :-)

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What I found interesting from a sociological perspective was the reactions that people were posting to Twitter and Facebook.  While there was an immediate barrage of people posting information to donate to the Red Cross and Wyclef’s Yele fund, there were also those posting their outrage over the outpouring.  Comments were made such as, “we should put our fellow Americans first – there are poor people dying on the streets here” and “when do we start putting the US first, especially in the economy we’re in?” and “enough with countries that don’t respect our policies and ‘hate’ americans until they need us.”  It got me thinking about it too… a report came out a couple months ago that Americans are becoming more and more isolationist in their world views.  We want to take care of our own first.  I also think that for a lot of people here in the US, when we hear about a catastrophic natural disaster, we think of Katrina.  We think of our very own people in desperate need of help, and the government failing them.  I understand all of this.  And to be honest, I felt a little torn after hearing these comments about whether or not I should help in the relief effort.

Well, my opinion is this…

The people in Haiti are in desperate need.  Do I think the US and every country in the world should intervene?  Yes.  I would prefer that the US intervene in situations of natural disasters than have them interfering in other parts of the world that don’t want us there in the first place.  When I think of all of the money that’s been wasted on useless, futile wars that could be used for emergency situations like this, it sickens me.

What really made me want to support the effort in Haiti though was that I started thinking about Haitian people I know.  Upon reflection, I realized I’ve taught voice lessons over the years to a handful of Haitian students.  I know all of them still have family in Haiti, as many Haitians here in the US do.  They come here in an effort to create better lives for their family members, many of whom can’t leave Haiti.  The earthquake didn’t just affect people in Haiti, it affected so many of our OWN citizens.  I find myself starting to cry every time I turn on the TV and watch Haitians here in the US not know what has happened to their family members… or when I see them find out that their family member is gone.  The worst was today on “Good Morning America”, when a woman found out that it would be impossible for her sister to be buried in the family plot, and she would have to be put in a mass grave.  Her grief was inconsolable.

There have been a lot of people donating to the Red Cross.  Like many of you, I have serious questions about how the Red Cross uses their money.  I have decided to donate to Doctors Without Borders.  http://doctorswithoutborders.org

I hope we can all get past politics and look deeper inside ourselves to our true humanity.

That was a quote inscribed on a gift that my mom gave me for Christmas.  I love it, and it’s probably one of the most important things that I not only came to understand, but learned how to ENACT in 2009.

What a mixed bag 2009 was!  I had some fantastic moments in my career.  I sang for the Dodgers not once but twice.  I performed at LA Pride.  I worked on a new project with fantastic producers, remixers, writers, and managers, and 2010 will start off with a bang as that project finally makes its way to the ears of the listening public.  I started singing with my church choir and that has opened so many doors professionally AND personally.

Not to say that 2009 didn’t have its low points………. but the last quarter of this year made me feel really proud of myself.  It proved to me that every day is indeed a new day, and a new chance to pick yourself up.  I’m starting to learn better resiliency skills.  I’m learning to expand my horizons.  My class at UCLA was such an eye-opener as far as showing me that there are many dimensions to life, and to me (I’m taking another class starting next week!).  I also learned that happiness isn’t dependent on where you are or what you’re doing… as spacey and new-agey as it may sound, happiness truly is a state of mind.

To sum it up, I am ending 2009 happier than when it started.  So 2009 – I consider you a success!

I wish you all the best in 2010.

On Wednesday night, I volunteered at my church’s dinner for the homeless.  It was really heartwarming to hear that they had TOO MANY volunteers!  We helped feed 1000 people, and on top of that, we sent food to several agencies in the area who give food to the homeless and low-income families.  It really impressed me how many people in our church community take so much of their personal time to organize a huge event like this.  It was a wonderful experience, and I met some new people in my community who are really great people.

On Thanksgiving night, I decided to go see “Precious”.  If you know anything about the movie, then this may have seemed like an odd time to go see it… it’s a pretty heavy movie, and not exactly a “happy” movie at that.  But I’ve been trying to see it for weeks and this was the first chunk of free time I had (plus I knew I’d have the theatre almost to myself!).  I didn’t bother to ask anyone to go see it with me for the reason I said above… most people wouldn’t want to see it on Thanksgiving.  But anyway… all I can say is “wow.”  As I said, the movie was really heavy, but it was absolutely incredible.  I can tell you honestly that this is one of the first movies I’ve seen in a long time that really got to me on such a deep level.  If I cry in movies, it’s usually just a tear here or there.  But there were parts of the movie that I found myself wanting to absolutely sob.  Precious’ life took having a “rough life” to a whole new level.  I guess why it hit me so hard is that I know there are people out there who have HAD her life, or some of the worst parts of it.  But even through it all, at the end, Precious doesn’t allow the past to dictate her future.  I seem to be hearing this a lot lately, whether it’s in books I’ve read, on talk shows, in my psych class, or in movies:  live in the NOW.

Speaking of “Now”, that was the name of a song my choir sang at church yesterday.  ”Now is the moment, now is the time.”  It’s a gospel song, so you know Leah was loving that!!  While at church, the priest who was presiding over mass, Father Tim, said that a man came up to him after the church Thanksgiving dinner and said, “thank you, this is the first time I’ve felt full in a really long time.”  That hit me like parts of “Precious” — it made me not just want to shed a tear, it made me want to sob.  We… I… really take so much for granted.  I’m so thankful for this weekend, and for my life.

So now we enter the Christmas season, which is my faaaaavorite season.  It’s not quite the same for me in California though… there is NOTHING like Christmas in New England.  But I am looking forward to the week I will get to spend at home.

Right now I need to go prepare for a loooooong day of teaching.  Not complaining though — getting paid to do something you love is truly a blessing.

So it all started on Friday. Friday morning I got called in to sing on a demo that a composer is pitching as the theme song to a new reality/music/game show (I will share specifics at a much later time if it goes through). Singing in the morning was rough, especially because I was feeling sick and my throat was scratchy. I had to work hard to get the rasp out of my voice, but it worked out well in the end. I immediately left there to go teach a lesson, followed by a rehearsal. Then at night, I sang for the Gay and Lesbian Outreach (GLO) at my church. That was a perfectly balanced day for me of studio singing, teaching, and performing. Saturday I taught two more lessons, looked over a contract, tutored another student, then had dinner and great conversation with a friend of mine at Souplantation — which was busier than I’ve ever seen it! If you don’t know about Souplantation, you’re missing out. Ok, well maybe not. It’s not like it’s the greatest food in the world, but as far as buffets go, it’s probably one of the healthiest ones around. Next morning, I taught a lesson, accompanied one of my voice students at a recital, had a quick meeting with a potential new student, had choir rehearsal, then sang and cantored at mass… which was AWESOME. I gotta give it up to Dan Houze our music director — he always picks really great, un-stereotypically Catholic music for us to sing.

Afterwards, I went out with Dan and a couple other people from the church. Dan and I were talking, and he said that during mass he looked over at me a couple times and it looked like I was really having fun. Yeah, I was. Even though my throat was causing me some nerves (it definitely wasn’t back to 100% by Sunday), it felt great to be up in front of people, singing music that MEANS something to people.

This weekend really showed me why balance in life is so important, and how happy I feel even when I’m busy… as long as the things that are keeping me busy are things I love.

This week we talked about Health Psychology, also sometimes referred to as Wellness.  So here’s what I’d kind of been waiting for……….. the topic of stress.  It turns out that stress management is an area of expertise for my professor.  My anticipation of this topic was met with both intrigue, because I want to learn how to manage my stress better, and a little bit of nervousness, because I was resistant to hear about how stress affects the body and mind… for fear.  But the reality is… I already know.  You see, part of the entire reason I decided to take this Psychology was part of a plan to help me cope with stress!  Not because I saw it as a way to get some free advice or to try and figure myself out.  But because I needed to re-focus, re-prioritize… Let me explain.

As some of you may know, I went home over the summer, and stayed home for about a month.  This wasn’t planned.  I had PLANNED a one week trip.  But for two months before that, I was feeling really, really awful – physically and mentally.  I started losing my hair, I gained weight, I couldn’t sleep, I had abdominal pain, and started having tingling that went all through my body.  And emotionally, I was a mess.  I considered a day to be a success if I managed not to break down hysterically crying.  It was awful.  I didn’t know what was wrong with me.  But I knew I needed to get out of LA.  So I went home, and after every test under the sun was run on me, I was diagnosed with severe anxiety.  Part of me felt foolish, because I’d brought this upon myself.  I’ve never been good at handling stress, for a multitude of reasons.  But what I learned last night is that we’re all born with a certain temperament – we’re disposed to be certain ways.  I have always been hyper-sensitive and a worrier from the time I was little.  So anyway, the doctor said I could go on meds.  To me, that is only putting a band-aid over the problem; the problem being that I suck at coping with stress!  :-)  I decided that when I came back to LA, I would try everything possible to lower my stress.  Taking the Psychology class was part of that plan because I had become COMPLETELY consumed with music, my career, the pressure to be successful, and I just was getting really frustrated.  I also realized that my identity had become intwined in what I do, and that is NEVER good, whether you’re an accountant or an artist.  The Psych class has been great for me.  Other than just enjoying the subject matter, it’s shown me that I am GOOD at something besides just music.
SO, on to yesterday’s class discussion…

Did you know… there was an experiment run a few years ago involving couples, and how quickly they physically heal?  The testers took different sets of couples – ones that had healthy, loving relationships, and others that fought a lot (ones that had problems handling stress).  They used these suction cups on the couples to create little bruises all over their bodies (I guess you can debate the humanity of that, ha).  Well… they found that it took the couples who were in high-stress relationships TWICE AS LONG to heal.  How telling is that?!  Our immune systems, our ability to fight off and resist diseases, our overall health is impacted SO profoundly by stress.  So what can you do to minimize stress?  Exercise and yoga work great for me.  Re-focusing your attention is good.  TALKING to someone.  Reaching out to other people or resources that might be able to help you deal with a problem.  And think about whether or not the stressful thing you’re dealing with is REALLY that stressful – are you seeing the situation clearly?  Here’s another thing my professor said… so profound, yet so simple.  Remember: thoughts are just thoughts!  They appear and disappear faster than you can follow.  Just even thinking about something pleasant, or being present in tasks you need to complete, can help a lot.

It is virtually impossible in today’s world to avoid stress, so all you can do is develop ways to deal with it.  And I’m no doctor, but if possible, I’d really suggest going the natural route for combatting stress before going the meds route.